No, not THAT Inauguration…this is just the first one of the series, thus the “Inaugural Edition.” Well, hopefully, it’s a series. But I mean, it’s ME, so you know, let’s see if we get past, like, two of these fuckers before I burn out. FINGERS CROSSED, BITCHES.

ANYWAY. Let’s move on to how this is gonna work. If you have a question you want answered, use my contact page and use the subject line “Dear Quirky.” I can’t promise I’m gonna answer ALL the questions I get, but I’m definitely gonna try because I love y’all, and I want you to live the best lives possible. It’s kind of my thing really.

So, now on to the very first “Dear Quirky.”

Dear Quirky,
I have mentally unstable neighbors. They have no one but each other so I try to be helpful and kind, even though they make me nuts. We are currently in one of her seasons where she acts like she hates us. What is the kindest yet firmest way to tell her to fuck off? She will be back, but I’m over this roller coaster with her.
Signed,
Frustrated and ready to bust a cap

Dear AbouttaGoHAMonaBitch,
I understand it’s super frustrating to deal with someone who blows hot and cold, and I’m in agreement you should definitely hop off that ride. So, what I’d do is tell her, “I feel very upset when you send mixed signals like one day you’re friendly and the next you’re angry with me for no apparent reason. I feel emotionally exhausted, and for the sake of my own mental health, I am no longer going to allow you to be part of my life. I hope you can understand this choice, and I wish you all the best in your life.”

If that doesn’t work, THEN go with the whole busting a cap thing. (Except not really! Jail is less fun than it looks on TV.)
Love,
Quirky

Dear Quirky,
I am in my 30s and at a crossroads of what I thought my life would look like and what it is. Do you have any advice for how to work thru that and accept things for the way they and let go of expectations. Alternately, how can I recognize signals for when it’s really time for a change.
Signed,
Is this really my life?

Dear Quarter-Life Crisis,
Dude. I think everyone goes through this at some point. We all set up these dreams when we were young of what our lives would be like, but sadly, we didn’t have enough detail to really flesh out that “they got married and lived happily ever after” includes “even though someone had to clean up the baby’s puke at 3 am” or “even though that giant d-bag just CANNOT GET HIS FUCKING DISHES IN THE SINK, WTF?” So when life’s mundane bullshit starts happening, we feel a little bit cheated. Like hey, I was supposed to have my shit together and be living in France and saying HON-HON-HON and wearing berets like a REAL Parisian and shit; why the hell am I cleaning up baby puke at 3 am?
So, I think the solution is to reframe your happily ever after. Ask yourself what you want out of life, and then, if you’ve got it, start giving thanks for it. Daily. Hourly, if you need to. If you DON’T have it, ask yourself what it would take to get it. And then do that thing. The biggest thing here, though, is to let go of what you think you SHOULD be doing and look at what you ARE doing. If you’re living up to the highest version of yourself, you’re doing okay. (Yes, even when you’re cleaning up baby puke.)
Love,
Quirky